You area my friend who always encourages me to feel all the feels.
I think BOTM is amazing if you are interested in getting back into contemporary lit but feel like you are "behind" on the discourse and just don't know what's what. I love that you pick from 5-7 books... so you don't get overwhelmed by too many options, either, which is definitely a thing. AND... you never have to wonder where your next book will be coming from... which keeps your reading momentum going.
Wow. I never thought of this, but what I know of my emotions I learned from books. What an insight. Thank you.
It's rare that books wreck me. I look forward to a book that can make me cry. The one that I will always remember is A Monster Calls by Peter Ness. It's not horror, and I believe it is written for children, but just stunning.
I never thought of it either... until I writing this substack and started trying to make sense of why I read what I read, etc. I tend to be so cynical and pessimistic in my worldview and now that I am talking to you about it, I wonder if I can use my reading to influence me in a more ... let's say... lighthearted direction.
I just looked up A Monster Calls. OMG. Add to card.
A lovely read! I think i tend to gravitate towards books that don’t wreck me emotionally but nervously (in the vein of Iris Murdoch, Sayaka Murata, Emmanuel Carrère’s The Moustache and lots of horror/weird lit. It’s similar to what you were writing about with stunted emotionality, but with ignoring/not expressing discomfort growing up. Now I love books that dwell in an uncomfortable state). Have you ever read any history of emotions? You might be interested in the history of emotions in post-communist Europe.
Oh, how interesting. What a specific set of writers you enjoy... and I am totally getting a sense for that totally unsettled feeling that these authors give you... without necessarily making your heart break. Do you intentionally select into this set of books or is it what you are intuitively drawn to?
I loved your suggestion to explore the history of emotions in post-communist europe. I have danced around the subject when I was in gradschool. I studied political science and read a lot about democracies in transition, especially in Eastern Europe.... a lot of which came with a heavy dose of nostalgia for a time past. Your question is making me want to do a deep dive from a psychoanalytical perspective.
OK. I got goosebumps, I am so excited to read about that. Thank you so much for sending me down that rabbit hole and please let me know if you know where I should start, even if it's not georgraphically centered on Eastern Europe but more broadly on this concept of "history of emotions".
Yes I think I intuitively read more of that unsettled feeling genre, although I gravitate to the complete opposite too! I tend to group my favorite writers into 2 categories: those who wield a cruel pen, and those who wield a tender one (both meant in a complimentary way). The cruel pens are writers like Iris Murdoch, Natsuo Kirino, Sayaka Murata, Fay Weldon. The tender pens, for example, Barbara Pym, Laurie Colwin, Anita Brookner, Banana Yoshimoto, and Claire Keegan. The prime category is, of course, the tender-cruel pen wielder (always marked by comical wit). For me, the tender-cruel pens are writers like Muriel Spark, Jane Austen, Claire-Louise Bennett, Rivka Galchen. It’s a long silly made-up mythology 😅
One of my favorite memories from my early-to-mid teen years was doing a BOTM subscription in tandem w my aunt who lived a few states away; we'd always chat about which pick we wanted every month and BOTM became our little two-person book club. Lovely post, petya :)
This is amazing, Regan. I can totally see Rumi doing that when she is a little older. It's such a sweet way to connect with friends from a distance and have a meaningful anchor for conversation! So much more fun than "how's school," right?
My friends sometimes coordinate their picks and then rotate the books once they've read them. It's hilarious. The way they talk about it makes it sound like they are engaged in contraband.
I just added The Ten Year Affair to my TBR this week!
I love that you’ve been able to navigate getting to know yourself through emotions with books. Such a magical (and safe —feelings can feel scary at first) outlet for you to explore what life feels like through the power of words. This was beautiful, Petya.
Depending on what is transpiring in my physical life, there are times when two back-to-back devastating reads feel like too much. That’s when I’ll reach for some satire.
I am not easily wrecked, but David Szalay's Flesh left me in a malaise for days.
Totally get you on the needing a break from devastating books! I found this a while ago as I really felt my nervous system needed a reset. I think part of the problem is finding just the right books to fill that space, so that you care about them enough but not to the point of devastation! The book you have chosen sounds perfect 👌 can't wait for updates. Some I escaped into earlier this year were The Wedding People by Alison Espach and Wayward by Dana Spiotta. Most recent book to wreck me: Liars by Sarah Manguso.
Ok. So, I feel the same. I know that I need to be taking breaks and that my psyche needs some time to recover.... but I am so worried that I will read something "stupid" and then that will kill my whole desire to read and will lead to a slump. (As I said, I can imagine negative and worst-case scenarios pretty quickly).
I am really excited about this book, I am so nosy... I love reading about an affair. But as I am typing this, I am wondering if I have not set myself up for another heartbreaker... which is NOT what I was after. haha
I have to confess that I never got emotionally shattered by any kind of book,at least not to the point where I felt that I needed to recover. I didn't even know that existed, so your essay was an eye-opener. What I expect from a novel is to reveal a truth that I hadn't seen before. "Kairos" did that for me. And now I just read "Adama" by Lavie Tidhar. A truly great novel. It is a devastating story, especially the last part. But I do not feel an emotional impact on a personal level.
Do you think that your professional background makes it easier for you to maintain that critical distance? Do you think that as you read you are evaluating the book as a piece of work that somebody put out and less as a "world". to get lost in which is probably closer to how I read?
Yes, you are absolutely right! I never get totally absorbed by a book - there is always that little part of me that analyzes how the author goes about producing the effect they are achieving on a technical level ... professional deformation!
By the way, I'm just coming back from a 3-day conference on Karl May. It was great!
Yes, it was a great conference! Three days filled with presentations from totally different points of view. Many of them very academic, but others more on the fun side of things. Plus, an auction of old editions of Karl May’s books - the prices sky-rocketed sometimes up to 1000 dollars. I couldn’t believe it!! Tell your cousin to check what she has …
I don't know about being wrecked but...looking back at my reading log over this year the ones that jump out are Assembly by Natasha Brown and Giovanni's Room. All of the books I gravitate to do have some bit of emotional leverage...even Jane Austen. I guess it is just a matter of selection based on my current emotional mood - which is very moody! Thank goodness I have a fantastic library that I can walk to or just a short drivable distance.
Ha! The carrot to the grading...thank goodness it is high school math and not English. A bit less nuanced in regards to grading. But 29 years and planning is way less - just all the other minutia.
Such an amazing sponsorship!! I’ve done BOTM here and there over the years and I just—literally an hour ago before reading this—added this one to my box this month!
Oooooh... I can see that. ITMFL is my most favorite film of all time, I am so glad you brought it up because now I am even more excited to read this book.
Oooh. Ok. Let me think about that. I have always wanted to do a post on good book-to-film adaptations. Will collect some thoughts around this . Thank you for the idea and the encouragent.
The last book that wrecked me is Sad Tiger. I tend to prioritise books that have that capacity and a friend of mine even jokes about my reading habits and how I always go for very hard to read, upsetting, complicated books, but it's a coincidence. Some books, like The Anthropologists, which I read recently, offered a break for the soul as you put it, although in the case of the latter, it felt a break only because I no longer live abroad, otherwise the topics she touches on (being away when someone you love is sick, parents' visits, your identity as your accent, etc, etc) would have been somehow draining for me at some level too.
On the other hand, I am always tempted by subscription services and I am currently considering the And Other Stories publisher one, but I am picky and moody with books and I think subscriptions wouldn't work for me.
Thanks for sharing your reflection on how your Eastern European background impacts your emotional expression. This was really interesting and eye-opening!
I’ve been in a similar situation of reading only intense literature, partly from being a literature researcher and from being obsessed with contemporary, socio-politically relevant literature…it can get heavy. But over the past couple of years I’ve developed a practice of reading “softer”, gentler books at bedtime. What I categorise as “bedtime” books. They tend to be 20th century, old children’s novels or published by Persephone Books.
Not only has it helped to balance my reading and ensured my bedtime reading doesn’t keep me in a stressed state before bed, but I’ve found a new JOY in reading, from this different type of literature, with fun plots and characters. Definitely can recommend bringing some different type of books into your life and creating more balance in your reading life ☺️
(Long comment, sorry! Sending you some calming literary vibes and balance your way though ☺️)
I like book of the month. I like the curation. I like the monthly cadence. The books are well made (thick paper, good binding), arrive quickly in a sturdy box. It’s a little treat.
Absolutely love this beyond words 🤩,(and want to join botm now which says a lot.)
You area my friend who always encourages me to feel all the feels.
I think BOTM is amazing if you are interested in getting back into contemporary lit but feel like you are "behind" on the discourse and just don't know what's what. I love that you pick from 5-7 books... so you don't get overwhelmed by too many options, either, which is definitely a thing. AND... you never have to wonder where your next book will be coming from... which keeps your reading momentum going.
❣️❣️❣️
Ps this made me feel so good. There I go,feeling again ;)
Wow. I never thought of this, but what I know of my emotions I learned from books. What an insight. Thank you.
It's rare that books wreck me. I look forward to a book that can make me cry. The one that I will always remember is A Monster Calls by Peter Ness. It's not horror, and I believe it is written for children, but just stunning.
I never thought of it either... until I writing this substack and started trying to make sense of why I read what I read, etc. I tend to be so cynical and pessimistic in my worldview and now that I am talking to you about it, I wonder if I can use my reading to influence me in a more ... let's say... lighthearted direction.
I just looked up A Monster Calls. OMG. Add to card.
A lovely read! I think i tend to gravitate towards books that don’t wreck me emotionally but nervously (in the vein of Iris Murdoch, Sayaka Murata, Emmanuel Carrère’s The Moustache and lots of horror/weird lit. It’s similar to what you were writing about with stunted emotionality, but with ignoring/not expressing discomfort growing up. Now I love books that dwell in an uncomfortable state). Have you ever read any history of emotions? You might be interested in the history of emotions in post-communist Europe.
Oh, how interesting. What a specific set of writers you enjoy... and I am totally getting a sense for that totally unsettled feeling that these authors give you... without necessarily making your heart break. Do you intentionally select into this set of books or is it what you are intuitively drawn to?
I loved your suggestion to explore the history of emotions in post-communist europe. I have danced around the subject when I was in gradschool. I studied political science and read a lot about democracies in transition, especially in Eastern Europe.... a lot of which came with a heavy dose of nostalgia for a time past. Your question is making me want to do a deep dive from a psychoanalytical perspective.
OK. I got goosebumps, I am so excited to read about that. Thank you so much for sending me down that rabbit hole and please let me know if you know where I should start, even if it's not georgraphically centered on Eastern Europe but more broadly on this concept of "history of emotions".
Yes I think I intuitively read more of that unsettled feeling genre, although I gravitate to the complete opposite too! I tend to group my favorite writers into 2 categories: those who wield a cruel pen, and those who wield a tender one (both meant in a complimentary way). The cruel pens are writers like Iris Murdoch, Natsuo Kirino, Sayaka Murata, Fay Weldon. The tender pens, for example, Barbara Pym, Laurie Colwin, Anita Brookner, Banana Yoshimoto, and Claire Keegan. The prime category is, of course, the tender-cruel pen wielder (always marked by comical wit). For me, the tender-cruel pens are writers like Muriel Spark, Jane Austen, Claire-Louise Bennett, Rivka Galchen. It’s a long silly made-up mythology 😅
Re: history of emotions, the second ed. of Rob Boddice’s History of Emotions is probably the best place to start! It’s a fascinating field (I say this with a bias of course, I’m an architectural historian doing history of emotions). For more Eastern Europe focused stuff, maybe something like https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00085006.2022.2137336 or https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt9qd6z5. For the built environment and politics of feeling including some Eastern Europe geographies, this is very good: https://www.routledge.com/Architecture-Democracy-and-Emotions-The-Politics-of-Feeling-since-1945/Grossmann-Nielsen/p/book/9780815357384?srsltid=AfmBOorA3Gmz8vI3T08qQ00W_TdOTAFCrd28zqCJCMb6x2Q9Oh3Y7SQl
One of my favorite memories from my early-to-mid teen years was doing a BOTM subscription in tandem w my aunt who lived a few states away; we'd always chat about which pick we wanted every month and BOTM became our little two-person book club. Lovely post, petya :)
This is amazing, Regan. I can totally see Rumi doing that when she is a little older. It's such a sweet way to connect with friends from a distance and have a meaningful anchor for conversation! So much more fun than "how's school," right?
My friends sometimes coordinate their picks and then rotate the books once they've read them. It's hilarious. The way they talk about it makes it sound like they are engaged in contraband.
I just added The Ten Year Affair to my TBR this week!
I love that you’ve been able to navigate getting to know yourself through emotions with books. Such a magical (and safe —feelings can feel scary at first) outlet for you to explore what life feels like through the power of words. This was beautiful, Petya.
Depending on what is transpiring in my physical life, there are times when two back-to-back devastating reads feel like too much. That’s when I’ll reach for some satire.
I am not easily wrecked, but David Szalay's Flesh left me in a malaise for days.
I wonder sometimes if reading to feel is not another way to avoid feeling.... but that's a topic of another conversation altogether. lol
One hundred percent! Half the time I’m reading it’s because I want to disassociate from the world 😂
Totally get you on the needing a break from devastating books! I found this a while ago as I really felt my nervous system needed a reset. I think part of the problem is finding just the right books to fill that space, so that you care about them enough but not to the point of devastation! The book you have chosen sounds perfect 👌 can't wait for updates. Some I escaped into earlier this year were The Wedding People by Alison Espach and Wayward by Dana Spiotta. Most recent book to wreck me: Liars by Sarah Manguso.
Ok. So, I feel the same. I know that I need to be taking breaks and that my psyche needs some time to recover.... but I am so worried that I will read something "stupid" and then that will kill my whole desire to read and will lead to a slump. (As I said, I can imagine negative and worst-case scenarios pretty quickly).
Totally!!
Very excited to also read The Ten Year Affair!!!! Twins 🤗🤗
I am really excited about this book, I am so nosy... I love reading about an affair. But as I am typing this, I am wondering if I have not set myself up for another heartbreaker... which is NOT what I was after. haha
Sliding doors always sends me into deep contemplation… but I love it!!
I have to confess that I never got emotionally shattered by any kind of book,at least not to the point where I felt that I needed to recover. I didn't even know that existed, so your essay was an eye-opener. What I expect from a novel is to reveal a truth that I hadn't seen before. "Kairos" did that for me. And now I just read "Adama" by Lavie Tidhar. A truly great novel. It is a devastating story, especially the last part. But I do not feel an emotional impact on a personal level.
Do you think that your professional background makes it easier for you to maintain that critical distance? Do you think that as you read you are evaluating the book as a piece of work that somebody put out and less as a "world". to get lost in which is probably closer to how I read?
Yes, you are absolutely right! I never get totally absorbed by a book - there is always that little part of me that analyzes how the author goes about producing the effect they are achieving on a technical level ... professional deformation!
By the way, I'm just coming back from a 3-day conference on Karl May. It was great!
Oh how fun!!! I am so glad you were able to go!!!
Yes, it was a great conference! Three days filled with presentations from totally different points of view. Many of them very academic, but others more on the fun side of things. Plus, an auction of old editions of Karl May’s books - the prices sky-rocketed sometimes up to 1000 dollars. I couldn’t believe it!! Tell your cousin to check what she has …
I don't know about being wrecked but...looking back at my reading log over this year the ones that jump out are Assembly by Natasha Brown and Giovanni's Room. All of the books I gravitate to do have some bit of emotional leverage...even Jane Austen. I guess it is just a matter of selection based on my current emotional mood - which is very moody! Thank goodness I have a fantastic library that I can walk to or just a short drivable distance.
I am always impressed with how you are able to juggle the multiple group read projects you join with your own moody reading impulses!
Ha! The carrot to the grading...thank goodness it is high school math and not English. A bit less nuanced in regards to grading. But 29 years and planning is way less - just all the other minutia.
Such an amazing sponsorship!! I’ve done BOTM here and there over the years and I just—literally an hour ago before reading this—added this one to my box this month!
Yay, yay! #BookPerson
Those early years of parenthood are such an emotionally fertile ground... So much happens, so many hearts (and skulls) crack...
The Ten Year Affair description sounds alot like the film, In The Mood for Love. I'm intrigued.
Oooooh... I can see that. ITMFL is my most favorite film of all time, I am so glad you brought it up because now I am even more excited to read this book.
It’s a highly underrated film for sure and now I’m excited too! You should do a post comparing the two
Oooh. Ok. Let me think about that. I have always wanted to do a post on good book-to-film adaptations. Will collect some thoughts around this . Thank you for the idea and the encouragent.
The last book that wrecked me is Sad Tiger. I tend to prioritise books that have that capacity and a friend of mine even jokes about my reading habits and how I always go for very hard to read, upsetting, complicated books, but it's a coincidence. Some books, like The Anthropologists, which I read recently, offered a break for the soul as you put it, although in the case of the latter, it felt a break only because I no longer live abroad, otherwise the topics she touches on (being away when someone you love is sick, parents' visits, your identity as your accent, etc, etc) would have been somehow draining for me at some level too.
On the other hand, I am always tempted by subscription services and I am currently considering the And Other Stories publisher one, but I am picky and moody with books and I think subscriptions wouldn't work for me.
This is a really lovely, well-written, personal book round-up! Thank you for sharing. 💙
Thanks for sharing your reflection on how your Eastern European background impacts your emotional expression. This was really interesting and eye-opening!
I’ve been in a similar situation of reading only intense literature, partly from being a literature researcher and from being obsessed with contemporary, socio-politically relevant literature…it can get heavy. But over the past couple of years I’ve developed a practice of reading “softer”, gentler books at bedtime. What I categorise as “bedtime” books. They tend to be 20th century, old children’s novels or published by Persephone Books.
Not only has it helped to balance my reading and ensured my bedtime reading doesn’t keep me in a stressed state before bed, but I’ve found a new JOY in reading, from this different type of literature, with fun plots and characters. Definitely can recommend bringing some different type of books into your life and creating more balance in your reading life ☺️
(Long comment, sorry! Sending you some calming literary vibes and balance your way though ☺️)
I like book of the month. I like the curation. I like the monthly cadence. The books are well made (thick paper, good binding), arrive quickly in a sturdy box. It’s a little treat.