Smart, but not exhausting

What to read when your soul needs a bit of a break, with some help from *Book of the Month*

This post is sponsored by Book of the Month, who kindly invited me to share my pick from their October lineup.

I read to feel. There are many reasons for that, but at the core is the fact that, like a good Eastern European, I wasn’t really allowed feelings growing up — at least not the messy ones. I’m not entirely sure why that is, though we are all famously cynical. Living under constant surveillance, with the fear that even a minor negative remark could brand you an anti-communist, must have had something to do with it. We became a grin-and-bear-it kind of people. In my family, complaining was seen as the ultimate weakness, sadness was considered an indulgence, and anger was off-limits — reserved mostly for the adults. So I learned to keep things tidy on the outside while going blank on the inside. It took me years to even realize how emotionally stunted I was, despite being otherwise highly functional and even outgoing, especially in professional settings.

Therapy helped with the diagnosis, but I can say with confidence that reading and literature have been the real source of any measurable growth. Through books, I began to understand what an appropriate — or inappropriate — emotional response might feel like. When I couldn’t safely feel my own emotions, I borrowed someone else’s. Fiction is still where I learn how to grieve, how to rage, how to desire. It may sound dramatic, but I truly believe that the books I love allow me to catch up on an entire lifetime of suppressed feelings.

That’s the gift of reading, but it’s also the toll. As I am sure you have noticed by now, I tend to gravitate toward books that devastate me — ferocious, interior novels that tunnel straight into the psyche. Playboy by Constance Debré absolutely leveled me; Clarice Lispector’s Hour of the Star left me reeling in confusion and awe; Jenny Erpenbeck’s Kairos had me underlining like a madwoman, its fragments of toxic love still rattling in my head. Elena Ferrante’s Neapolitan novels? They feel like reliving the most humiliating and tender corners of youth, refracted through someone else’s crystalline empathy. These books have given me access to feelings I didn’t permit myself when I was younger — I’m SO grateful for that. But they also flatten me. Sometimes I close the book and feel like I’ve run a marathon barefoot. So lately, I’ve been wondering about balance.

Is it possible to keep reading deeply without always choosing the book that will wreck me for days? Could I stretch into something still sharp and alive, but less annihilating?

In August I read

Leigh Stein

’s new novel If You’re Seeing This, It’s Meant for You and

Amran Gowani

’s debut, Leverage, and both felt like a breath of fresh air for me… without in any way feeling like a waste of time. I remember thinking at that time how nice it felt to just give your soul a break.

When Book of the Month reached out to sponsor this post, it felt almost too on-the-nose. For those of you who are not familiar, BOTM is a subscription service for readers. Each month they curate a short list of new and early-release titles and members pick one to be delivered in a bright blue box. I have a close group of real-life friends who have been members for ages and I love being a sideline witness to their monthly book swaps. BOTM carries a range of books, from highly anticipated new releases to more under the radar books that feel original, unusual, or special… and there is always a book in the lineup that centers the type of reflective, interiority driven, oddball, thinky-woman novel I can’t resist.

This October, the book that caught my attention is The Ten Year Affair by Erin Somers (BOTM members get to receive it BEFORE the official book release date) and the premise hooked me right away.

Cora and Sam meet in the unlikeliest of places — a baby group in their small town — where the rhythms of domestic life usually flatten out desire. Both are married, both raising young children, both invested in the appearances of stability. And yet, a current passes between them. What begins as recognition deepens into a question neither can easily put aside: what would it mean to follow this feeling, and what would it cost to deny it? The novel unfolds along two parallel tracks—one where they give in, one where they resist — illuminating how a single decision can split a life open, exposing not just the fragility of love, but the hidden selves we carry beneath duty and routine.

The Ten Year Affair is blurbed by Tony Tulathimutte, Brandon Taylor and Julia May Jonas, which to me puts it squarely in my scope of interest. Tony Tulathimutte calls this book the best novel about adultery since Madame Bovary which …. Strong words… but nonetheless, I love to read about relationship mess and decent people finding themselves in indecent situations… so, I am quite excited about this. Honestly, this is the kind of novel I’m searching for right now: smart, resonant, full of feeling — but not the kind of devastation that requires a recovery period.

If like me you’re curious, you can learn more about Book of the Month and their October lineup here. They’re offering new members their first book for $5 with the code CANDY, plus a free hat — details I promised to pass along. Everyone in my house is officially fighting over the hat that I got. 🤗🤗🤗

At the heart of it, this is why I love having a reading life that’s wide enough to hold both kinds of books — the ones that split me open and the ones that let me breathe. Reading has always been how I catch up on feelings I missed the first time around, but lately I’ve realized that joy, curiosity, and even lightness are feelings worth practicing, too. Choosing a Book of the Month pick like The Ten Year Affair feels like a way of honoring that balance — still smart, still alive, but not exhausting. Will let you know how it goes.

And now, I’d love to hear from you:

• Do you ever find yourself craving books that feel less emotionally exhausting, even if you usually love the ones that gut you?

• What’s the last book that wrecked you — and do you secretly look for that feeling

• Are you a BOTM member already? If so, could you please tell us more about your experience?

---