Excellent piece. This is extremely relatable. Over the past two years or so, I've really started to enjoy spending time in a relatively tidy environment, which makes reading—and everything else—more enjoyable. The downside is I can start to guilt-trip myself about relaxing, which includes reading a good book for me. Fortunately, I'm working on it, and I have to say my favorite pastime is definitely reading.
Right! If you only allow yourself to read in ideal circumstances — clean house, work done, etc — you may never end up reading. When I first became a mom I felt like I was always cleaning. Now I feel like I am kind of always reading.
This is the second post I've read of yours that feels like you were describing me. My sad girl years were also the years when I wasn't prioritizing reading because THERE WAS SO MUCH TO DO, my mind yelled. I had just had my second child and was deep in PPD and reading just didn't feel like what I should be doing because I had to clean! and exercise! and play with my kids all the time! They had to be entertained! I could never ever do anything for myself because it felt selfish.
I have 3 kids now and I make reading and writing my default state every day. My children see me read and write and they play around me or ask me what I'm reading or pick up a book and pretend to read it. We play together sometimes but I don't force myself to entertain them out of guilt unless I really feel like playing with them (which I do, often. Especially now they can play simple board games)
I'm so much happier, which must impact them in a positive way, even if I still feel selfish sometimes.
Soo, all this to say, thank you for writing these posts!
I never got formally diagnosed but I am now SURE that post partum depletion and depression had a lot to do with what I experienced. I speak openly now because I thought I was educated about it but didn’t recognize it when it happened to me.
Now when I go into a slump and cannot read, I mostly work on getting my mental health back on track. The reading follows.
Thank you so much for reading and I am so happy that the years have brought peace and wisdom for you.
Rebecca, this so resonates with me. I basically gave up my daily reading and writing practices when I had my two children and was working full time like a maniac. I so agree with you that I think my kids see how much happier I am with my regular reading and writing practices. And, my son who is now a teenager says things like, “Mom, when you are done with your writing, can you take me to …” I am so grateful for these posts about your reading life, Petya, and for thoughtful comments like yours, Rebecca. I feel less alone.
I love that you still feel this way with teenagers because mine are so little that I wonder whether I'll be able to keep it up as they grow. Thank you!
You said you've shared before, but this is the first time I've see this— "but picking up a book throughout the day feels a bit like a Roomba returning to its docking station". Clarity!
The visual helps me, too. Just a way to picture myself snapping back! In mindfum meditation, there's the concept of "beginning again"... which I also find very relevant in this context. You don't have to start the day strong, you always have an opportunity to snap out of the scrolling fog and return to what you actually need to be doing that recharges you.
I think a lot of us struggle with the “rest as reward” mentality. It’s been drilled into many of us. I’m actively working on unlearning it. I’ve noticed that on days when I struggle to read, it’s often because I push myself to clean or tackle other chores first, as if reading has to be earned. Unlearning that has been tough, especially as a perfectionist.
I also live with a chronic illness, and reading is incredibly grounding for me. Almost meditative. When focusing is hard, the practice of gently bringing my attention back to the page is its own form of rest.
I feel like my life lacks some discipline, and I’ve never thought to myself that by adding more to my life…it could make my existence more enjoyable. Something to think about for sure. Your work always expands the mind! ♥️ thank you
I organize my life around discipline but this article definitely made me think about it. For me, learning things (whether is by reading or researching in any other way) is what brings me back to myself but somehow my personal learning goals always come after those things that I feel like I “need” to do. Something to work on, definitely. Maybe a good goal for 2026. Quick out of context question: do you have specific books you like to use for those small pockets of time (like to take with you everywhere) and others for when you have more time?
I typically have one paper book (my main read) and an audiobook going at the same time. I used to think that I need to have a small book for my bag, but what I am finding is that even if the book is big, challenging, etc. ... when you read little bits of it throughout the day, it's easier to stay in it. You brain is just kind if the atmosphere of the book, the characters... so it almost doesn't matter if you have less time to read it because you don't much of a ramp up to get back in it. I hope that makes sense.
Great piece. Feels like a permission slip to do what I want to be doing anyways! I apologize if you have already covered this topic, but I'm curious about what you and others think about electronic reading of short form (like substack articles) vs reading actual books (physical or e-book style or audio). As much as I love substack, I had to remove the app from my phone so as to make it harder for me to read so that I would read more books. Because that is where I feel the bulk of my reading focus must go. Substack feels like snacking, whereas reading books feels like having a nutritious meal or feast. After reading online, even if its interesting quality stuff, I feel like I've had too many snacks and the quality of my brain and attention is different. I don't get that loosening feeling that you so well describe that I get in reading quality books). Thoughts?
Love this snacks versus meal analogy! I completely agree and I love to snack! Like my ever growing TBR list, I’m always looking for that next essay on Substack that clicks something in my brain. Petya’s always do. I find myself many mornings reading articles instead of my book of the moment. Finding the right balance is something I’m working on. I’m always happier and more grounded when I’m absorbed in a book. Its definitely a calming my brain method for me…but with the start of this year not much is calming my brain…
I experience and think of Substack the same way you do and, like Karen, I love snacks.
I am reading fewer Substacks at the moment because my work life is busier than usual and when I do have time to read, I prefer to be with a book.
I personally read Substack at my desk during the work week, when a meeting ends a little earlier or sometimes during my lunch break.
I used to subscribe to a Substack that was dedicated to encouraging offline life... and sometimes the author would send a post that said - delete this email and go look out of your window. I always loved those emails.
I've seldom felt so seen. My brain is always in the go, so I read to stay sane, to calm my nervous system and to, ultimately, understand myself, others and my surroundings better. I can't remember a day when I haven't been reading. Lately though, it's been hard for me to concentrate on complex story lines, so I often default to rereading old favorites. I think, part of the reason why I'm struggling is because of my recent ADHD diagnosis (and of course social media and brain rot), that I'm kind of adrift in life and that my reading tastes have changed. Like you, Petya, I also struggle with letting myself do things I enjoy just for the sake of them and not as a reward for getting my To-Do List done. I've realized that in order to be happier, it makes little sense to deny myself the things that I love in exchange of some arbitrary metrics or validation that I or society have put on myself. I've recently restarted reading in the morning - something that I stopped doing because it was hard to start work in the morning. But my morning was still shit. I now read nonfiction in the morning because it helps me think and it's easier for me to put down nonfiction than fiction. I read during lunch - recently mostly essays and nature writing. Evenings, in bed and weekends are reserved for fiction reading.
Similarly, I like to read nonfiction and poetry in the morning and fiction in the evening if it's like my own bedtime story. Also, lately I've been considering allowing myself to start the day with reading, rather than exercise and meditation, which are the things I feel I "should" be doing.
This is a delightful post and much needed! I like the Roomba simile - reading as a default state. I'll implement some of these tips this week and hopefully that need for control/check things off a to do list will subside a bit. Thank you for writing this Petya!
Petya, I find your take on "making reading your default state" really inspiring. I have struggled with work-life balance over the last few years and now aim to make work less central to my life and identity - more like just something I do for a few hours every day in the middle of the other more exciting things that constitute my life. Reading plays a huge part in this. Now my commute isn't just two hours of time wasted getting to and from work, it's two hours of reading time that I look forward to and savour every day. It's miserable weather today and not good for my usual lunchtime walk - where I might have worked through lunch in the past, I'm now taking the full hour with my book.
I feel so similarly! I guess that's no surpise – as readers, I think we have woven reading so deeply into the fabric of our everday lives that it feels difficult to separate it in any way from ourselves. When I don't read, something is off. It's been an interesting process trying to find how reading fits in new parenthood... letting go of my grip on it a bit was scary, but then seeing that it was never really possible for it to exit my life entirely (at least not in the long run) was such a relief. Thanks for this!
I actually was thinking of you a lot when I wrote this. The subtitle of the post should have been... "for parents of small children". It's so hard to sort out at first what's important and what feels urgent but is not. It took me SOOO LONG to figure out that I was driving myself into the ground doing things that were not gamechangers to anybody's life or happiness, especially not mine. Now, a few pages and a good cup of coffee...
A few pages and a cup of coffee is TRULY!!!! everything. Bliss. I am still figuring it out, and still trying to adjust/find myself as a reader in this new season but I can feel that she’s still there, my reader self, perhaps just not quite so intense… but i know she’ll be back in a new way, and i’m trying to welcome that and let it happen naturally. Ugh Petya! you’ve got me all in my feelings lol. Thank you, and thank you for thinking of me 💗
I spent so many years focused around discipline. All those years in the military were ordered and structured to a particular way. When I retired I needed something different. My days are focused no on what feeds me: books, coffee, music, family, my dog, exercise, and other random life-affirming activities. I rarely have a schedule for my day, instead taking it as it comes. But books and reading are central to that. I am guessing that I spend 3-4 hours a day reading now which is a real blessing.
My default state is sitting in my recliner, fireplace turned on (even in the summer for ambiance though the heat is turned off), jazz in the background, hot coffee by my side, notebooks/pens readily available. I usually have 3-5 books going at once and I attempt to have them somewhat related so there are consistent themes throughout. But sometimes I just like to read a crazy fun spy novel or something that I won't even remember next week.
My mindset around pleasure has changed quite a bit. After 48 years I think I have earned what pleasure I have in my life. My tastes are not extravagant. I like 2 sugars in my coffee so I walk a little further when I take the dog out. I love collecting books as well as reading them but I almost always buy used, especially older books. Newer authors who still need the income from their books I try to buy direct from them as much as possible. I don't have a fancy car or house or clothes. But if I want to sit and read for 3 hours, I do so. If I see a book I want, I buy it. I don't have to cross 5 things off my to-do list to "earn" the right to do something anymore. I spent enough years living that way. Take the little pleasures as they come and embrace them. The to-do list will still be there and never goes away.
I resemble your post! After 40 years in Pre-med and primary care where nonprofessional reading time was difficult to come by, I've reverted to my liberal arts undergraduate days. I've been of service long enough and I need the time more than the money. Some folks do not understand, that at this stage, I'd rather read for no other purpose than to know more about what interests me or as Auda Abu Tayeh said- because it is my pleasure.
Yes! Especially in the U.S. where being a workaholic is some sort of badge of honor, people rarely understand why I haven't gone back to work after the Navy. When I explain that I have enough and don't need more they get a strange look in their eyes as if they just can't comprehend it. My wife and I planned wisely. We have no debt, we have a decent pension, and we have simple tastes. I love that quote you share. Thanks for understanding Salvador!
This touched me in a lot of ways and I’m going to be thinking about it for a while. Thank you, Petya. Related questions: what are some of your favorite audiobooks? How do you choose what books to listen to vs read in print?
As you have probably noticed, my reading taste veers towards books that are psychological and character driven. Those books are a little harder to get into on audio for me. For audiobooks, I tend to choose more plot-driven stories where even if I space out for a moment, enough movement happens to get my focus back on track. I just finished My Education by Susan Choi which I read both on paper and audio (switching back and forth) and that was great on audio. It was an affair book so .... lots of high drama and misdemeanor which kept my attention.
I really enjoyed your article and can completely relate to everything you have said, both about the necessity for you of having time devoted to reading and a previous life dominated by perfectionism, and a sense that one must first suffer in order to have any pleasure. Now, in retirement, I have, thankfully, got past some of the issues that plagued me in the past and am happy to let the dust settle while I devote my last years to reading and writing.
Excellent piece. This is extremely relatable. Over the past two years or so, I've really started to enjoy spending time in a relatively tidy environment, which makes reading—and everything else—more enjoyable. The downside is I can start to guilt-trip myself about relaxing, which includes reading a good book for me. Fortunately, I'm working on it, and I have to say my favorite pastime is definitely reading.
Right! If you only allow yourself to read in ideal circumstances — clean house, work done, etc — you may never end up reading. When I first became a mom I felt like I was always cleaning. Now I feel like I am kind of always reading.
I hear you! Thanks for that. Good for you! 🙂❤️
This is the second post I've read of yours that feels like you were describing me. My sad girl years were also the years when I wasn't prioritizing reading because THERE WAS SO MUCH TO DO, my mind yelled. I had just had my second child and was deep in PPD and reading just didn't feel like what I should be doing because I had to clean! and exercise! and play with my kids all the time! They had to be entertained! I could never ever do anything for myself because it felt selfish.
I have 3 kids now and I make reading and writing my default state every day. My children see me read and write and they play around me or ask me what I'm reading or pick up a book and pretend to read it. We play together sometimes but I don't force myself to entertain them out of guilt unless I really feel like playing with them (which I do, often. Especially now they can play simple board games)
I'm so much happier, which must impact them in a positive way, even if I still feel selfish sometimes.
Soo, all this to say, thank you for writing these posts!
I never got formally diagnosed but I am now SURE that post partum depletion and depression had a lot to do with what I experienced. I speak openly now because I thought I was educated about it but didn’t recognize it when it happened to me.
Now when I go into a slump and cannot read, I mostly work on getting my mental health back on track. The reading follows.
Thank you so much for reading and I am so happy that the years have brought peace and wisdom for you.
Rebecca, this so resonates with me. I basically gave up my daily reading and writing practices when I had my two children and was working full time like a maniac. I so agree with you that I think my kids see how much happier I am with my regular reading and writing practices. And, my son who is now a teenager says things like, “Mom, when you are done with your writing, can you take me to …” I am so grateful for these posts about your reading life, Petya, and for thoughtful comments like yours, Rebecca. I feel less alone.
I love that you still feel this way with teenagers because mine are so little that I wonder whether I'll be able to keep it up as they grow. Thank you!
You said you've shared before, but this is the first time I've see this— "but picking up a book throughout the day feels a bit like a Roomba returning to its docking station". Clarity!
The visual helps me, too. Just a way to picture myself snapping back! In mindfum meditation, there's the concept of "beginning again"... which I also find very relevant in this context. You don't have to start the day strong, you always have an opportunity to snap out of the scrolling fog and return to what you actually need to be doing that recharges you.
I think a lot of us struggle with the “rest as reward” mentality. It’s been drilled into many of us. I’m actively working on unlearning it. I’ve noticed that on days when I struggle to read, it’s often because I push myself to clean or tackle other chores first, as if reading has to be earned. Unlearning that has been tough, especially as a perfectionist.
I also live with a chronic illness, and reading is incredibly grounding for me. Almost meditative. When focusing is hard, the practice of gently bringing my attention back to the page is its own form of rest.
I feel like my life lacks some discipline, and I’ve never thought to myself that by adding more to my life…it could make my existence more enjoyable. Something to think about for sure. Your work always expands the mind! ♥️ thank you
I organize my life around discipline but this article definitely made me think about it. For me, learning things (whether is by reading or researching in any other way) is what brings me back to myself but somehow my personal learning goals always come after those things that I feel like I “need” to do. Something to work on, definitely. Maybe a good goal for 2026. Quick out of context question: do you have specific books you like to use for those small pockets of time (like to take with you everywhere) and others for when you have more time?
I typically have one paper book (my main read) and an audiobook going at the same time. I used to think that I need to have a small book for my bag, but what I am finding is that even if the book is big, challenging, etc. ... when you read little bits of it throughout the day, it's easier to stay in it. You brain is just kind if the atmosphere of the book, the characters... so it almost doesn't matter if you have less time to read it because you don't much of a ramp up to get back in it. I hope that makes sense.
Great piece. Feels like a permission slip to do what I want to be doing anyways! I apologize if you have already covered this topic, but I'm curious about what you and others think about electronic reading of short form (like substack articles) vs reading actual books (physical or e-book style or audio). As much as I love substack, I had to remove the app from my phone so as to make it harder for me to read so that I would read more books. Because that is where I feel the bulk of my reading focus must go. Substack feels like snacking, whereas reading books feels like having a nutritious meal or feast. After reading online, even if its interesting quality stuff, I feel like I've had too many snacks and the quality of my brain and attention is different. I don't get that loosening feeling that you so well describe that I get in reading quality books). Thoughts?
Love this snacks versus meal analogy! I completely agree and I love to snack! Like my ever growing TBR list, I’m always looking for that next essay on Substack that clicks something in my brain. Petya’s always do. I find myself many mornings reading articles instead of my book of the moment. Finding the right balance is something I’m working on. I’m always happier and more grounded when I’m absorbed in a book. Its definitely a calming my brain method for me…but with the start of this year not much is calming my brain…
I experience and think of Substack the same way you do and, like Karen, I love snacks.
I am reading fewer Substacks at the moment because my work life is busier than usual and when I do have time to read, I prefer to be with a book.
I personally read Substack at my desk during the work week, when a meeting ends a little earlier or sometimes during my lunch break.
I used to subscribe to a Substack that was dedicated to encouraging offline life... and sometimes the author would send a post that said - delete this email and go look out of your window. I always loved those emails.
I've seldom felt so seen. My brain is always in the go, so I read to stay sane, to calm my nervous system and to, ultimately, understand myself, others and my surroundings better. I can't remember a day when I haven't been reading. Lately though, it's been hard for me to concentrate on complex story lines, so I often default to rereading old favorites. I think, part of the reason why I'm struggling is because of my recent ADHD diagnosis (and of course social media and brain rot), that I'm kind of adrift in life and that my reading tastes have changed. Like you, Petya, I also struggle with letting myself do things I enjoy just for the sake of them and not as a reward for getting my To-Do List done. I've realized that in order to be happier, it makes little sense to deny myself the things that I love in exchange of some arbitrary metrics or validation that I or society have put on myself. I've recently restarted reading in the morning - something that I stopped doing because it was hard to start work in the morning. But my morning was still shit. I now read nonfiction in the morning because it helps me think and it's easier for me to put down nonfiction than fiction. I read during lunch - recently mostly essays and nature writing. Evenings, in bed and weekends are reserved for fiction reading.
Similarly, I like to read nonfiction and poetry in the morning and fiction in the evening if it's like my own bedtime story. Also, lately I've been considering allowing myself to start the day with reading, rather than exercise and meditation, which are the things I feel I "should" be doing.
Maybe reading is a way of rewarding my self FIRST by meeting some deep need which then might make me more willing for the other things
This is a delightful post and much needed! I like the Roomba simile - reading as a default state. I'll implement some of these tips this week and hopefully that need for control/check things off a to do list will subside a bit. Thank you for writing this Petya!
Petya, I find your take on "making reading your default state" really inspiring. I have struggled with work-life balance over the last few years and now aim to make work less central to my life and identity - more like just something I do for a few hours every day in the middle of the other more exciting things that constitute my life. Reading plays a huge part in this. Now my commute isn't just two hours of time wasted getting to and from work, it's two hours of reading time that I look forward to and savour every day. It's miserable weather today and not good for my usual lunchtime walk - where I might have worked through lunch in the past, I'm now taking the full hour with my book.
Most pleasurable read, with valuable insights 💎💕📚💕💎
I feel so similarly! I guess that's no surpise – as readers, I think we have woven reading so deeply into the fabric of our everday lives that it feels difficult to separate it in any way from ourselves. When I don't read, something is off. It's been an interesting process trying to find how reading fits in new parenthood... letting go of my grip on it a bit was scary, but then seeing that it was never really possible for it to exit my life entirely (at least not in the long run) was such a relief. Thanks for this!
I actually was thinking of you a lot when I wrote this. The subtitle of the post should have been... "for parents of small children". It's so hard to sort out at first what's important and what feels urgent but is not. It took me SOOO LONG to figure out that I was driving myself into the ground doing things that were not gamechangers to anybody's life or happiness, especially not mine. Now, a few pages and a good cup of coffee...
A few pages and a cup of coffee is TRULY!!!! everything. Bliss. I am still figuring it out, and still trying to adjust/find myself as a reader in this new season but I can feel that she’s still there, my reader self, perhaps just not quite so intense… but i know she’ll be back in a new way, and i’m trying to welcome that and let it happen naturally. Ugh Petya! you’ve got me all in my feelings lol. Thank you, and thank you for thinking of me 💗
I spent so many years focused around discipline. All those years in the military were ordered and structured to a particular way. When I retired I needed something different. My days are focused no on what feeds me: books, coffee, music, family, my dog, exercise, and other random life-affirming activities. I rarely have a schedule for my day, instead taking it as it comes. But books and reading are central to that. I am guessing that I spend 3-4 hours a day reading now which is a real blessing.
My default state is sitting in my recliner, fireplace turned on (even in the summer for ambiance though the heat is turned off), jazz in the background, hot coffee by my side, notebooks/pens readily available. I usually have 3-5 books going at once and I attempt to have them somewhat related so there are consistent themes throughout. But sometimes I just like to read a crazy fun spy novel or something that I won't even remember next week.
My mindset around pleasure has changed quite a bit. After 48 years I think I have earned what pleasure I have in my life. My tastes are not extravagant. I like 2 sugars in my coffee so I walk a little further when I take the dog out. I love collecting books as well as reading them but I almost always buy used, especially older books. Newer authors who still need the income from their books I try to buy direct from them as much as possible. I don't have a fancy car or house or clothes. But if I want to sit and read for 3 hours, I do so. If I see a book I want, I buy it. I don't have to cross 5 things off my to-do list to "earn" the right to do something anymore. I spent enough years living that way. Take the little pleasures as they come and embrace them. The to-do list will still be there and never goes away.
I resemble your post! After 40 years in Pre-med and primary care where nonprofessional reading time was difficult to come by, I've reverted to my liberal arts undergraduate days. I've been of service long enough and I need the time more than the money. Some folks do not understand, that at this stage, I'd rather read for no other purpose than to know more about what interests me or as Auda Abu Tayeh said- because it is my pleasure.
Yes! Especially in the U.S. where being a workaholic is some sort of badge of honor, people rarely understand why I haven't gone back to work after the Navy. When I explain that I have enough and don't need more they get a strange look in their eyes as if they just can't comprehend it. My wife and I planned wisely. We have no debt, we have a decent pension, and we have simple tastes. I love that quote you share. Thanks for understanding Salvador!
Anthony Quinn as Abu Tayeh has some of the best lines in Lawrence of Arabia although that line is Peter O'Toole's.
This touched me in a lot of ways and I’m going to be thinking about it for a while. Thank you, Petya. Related questions: what are some of your favorite audiobooks? How do you choose what books to listen to vs read in print?
As you have probably noticed, my reading taste veers towards books that are psychological and character driven. Those books are a little harder to get into on audio for me. For audiobooks, I tend to choose more plot-driven stories where even if I space out for a moment, enough movement happens to get my focus back on track. I just finished My Education by Susan Choi which I read both on paper and audio (switching back and forth) and that was great on audio. It was an affair book so .... lots of high drama and misdemeanor which kept my attention.
I really enjoyed your article and can completely relate to everything you have said, both about the necessity for you of having time devoted to reading and a previous life dominated by perfectionism, and a sense that one must first suffer in order to have any pleasure. Now, in retirement, I have, thankfully, got past some of the issues that plagued me in the past and am happy to let the dust settle while I devote my last years to reading and writing.
I love this for you! So well deserved! And when you get older, you appreciate it all more too.
Like yoga...to be present for yourself.