Wonderful replacement. We so often forget that we chose the "should" and it really is a "would like to". If the "should " no longer is a "would like to" just cross it off your list. I will use that as my new MO. Thank you.
The hardest “should” so far for me to give up has been that I have to finish the whole book. I still struggle with it. The last book I read was “The Line of Beauty” by Alan Hollinghurst. It was a Man Booker winner, forget the year. There’s another “should” to give up … stop picking up the Booker winners. Because occasionally I love them, but frequently I don’t. This book slogged through the middle, and while it was good at the end, I don’t think I would have lost anything worthwhile if I had given up on it. But then again, I’m on to something new and not going to beat myself up over it. Another book off my TBR pile is a win.
The A-student that lives in me has THE hardest time not finishing books! It is such a shockingly hard habit to break.
I listened to a podcast episode in which Merve Emre said that prize winners are decided by people who read in bulk - professional reviewers and critics mostly - which really affects their perspective. The idea is that they read so much that they should know what’s GOOD but what often happens is that they simply pick the thing that’s different because it stands out… which may not necessarily be a sign of its quality. I thought that was such an interesting perspective.
I have to agree with you about the A student comment. I could never leave any of my homework undone or unread lest I miss a test question 🙄. I was still the same when I went back to school at age 37. Sad to say I think I’d be the same if I went back today at age 65. And the readers of the Booker prize…interesting, I guess. I guess they’d have to be speed readers too. But somebody’s got to pick something and we all have very different opinions and tastes.
That's what I have been wondering about for a long time. Are the judges such speed readers, can they read and really appreciate/judge that amount of daily pages? Or will they either just not do it or at least before the longlist divide the books amongst themselves, so that for the longlist every book will have been read by say 2 judges only?
There is a German bookprize (forgot which one) where there is only one judge chosen every year. The idea being that in a panel of judges, the winner will always be the compromise the judges agree on.
What a timely post. Just this morning, I was looking at my "books read in 2025" list at the back of my planner and feeling a little shocked at how little was there. But upon reflection, what I've read this year has (mostly) been exactly what I needed to read to nourish myself. I love the idea of "reading carnivorously." I would also recommend my friend Heather White's book, BOOKS PROMISCUOUSLY READ: READING AS A WAY OF LIFE.
I tell literary everyone that the number of books one reads is the most ridiculous measure of the quality of their reading life and yet, I keep count. Some habits are hard to break. Of the books you’ve read recently, what has stood out to you?
And thank you so much for the recommendation. Your friend’s book sounds amazing and I will definitely check it out!
I really loved Sula by Toni Morrison. It blew me away. Currently reading Crossing to Safety by William Stegner and loving that too. In fact, going to make a concerted effort to read it during my work breaks today. Also listening to the audiobook of David Richo's How to be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving and it is totally amazing!
I really relate to this. It's funny, the more I read, or get into reading, the more I feel as though I'm not reading enough. It's kind of like, the more you learn, the less you feel like you know?
I feel that too. In the last year I have been making an effort to go deeper or some of the authors I like and that has made me feel so foolish for not having done it sooner. Like, how can you read one Didion book and have an opinion… But of course, you can totally have an opinion. It’s just a different way of reading.
Oof. I so relate to this on many, many levels. Such a great awareness of how that perfectionism can show up. I’m currently reading something I “shouldn’t” and enjoying every second 😉
"Perfectionism isn’t about high standards. It’s a defense against chaos." Ooof. I'm going to be processing and chewing on this line for a long while. And I very much relate to perfectionism in my reading life, although I think I'm making progress on it. Mine shows up in feeling competitive about reading the new buzzy books (even though I really am happiest with a mix of newer and older books), feeling as if I need to read more of the classics and/or the prize-winning books, and creating reading projects for myself each year (I'm trying to decide if I want to let go of that for next year just to see what happens). I also struggle with some of the things you mention. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about this topic. Will be coming back to reread.
OK. This poem is beautiful and I can absolutely see how your brain would do that and also what MY brain did after reading it was thinking of OPEN THROAT by Henry Hoke -- the story of a queer mountain lion living in the Hollywood Hills. I think you would really love it if you haven't read it already.
Also, I believe this is the first time anyone has responded to a post by me with a poem, so basically... I am now Emeritus.
There is SO much beautiful wisdom in this piece, not just about reading, but about dealing with the ever-present specter of perfectionism more broadly. Thank you for this!
I loved reading this because I also struggle with reading perfectionism, especially the ‘shoulds.’ A ‘should’ I’m ready to let go of is: I *should* keep reading this book I feel nothing for because everyone else liked it. There are lots more, but DNFing books I believe I should love is a start. Wishing you luck on your journey of protecting your reading life!
I think if you think about this struggle as an exercise in building self-trust, you can gradually begin to feel excited about DNF-ing. Speaking for myself, I think I struggle with DNF-ing because I ultimately don't trust my own abilities as a reader... but the more I work on actually appreciating my own history, life experience and taste as a reader, the more I am able to say... ok, I can see why others appreciate this book but it does not work for me.
I absolutely agree ! I stopped reading all the "should-reads" after I finished my PhD, and what a relief that was! I am a passionate reader, but if I don't like a book after 50 pages, I just put it down. It had its chance, it didn' make it into my book universe - too bad! The only "should" I still follow is switching between languages, because I read in English, French, Spanish and German. So, not too many books of the same language - the others might be jealous and start to abandon me.
If you would like to see my recommendations on great novels originally not written in English; check out my substack:
Petya, you are so inspiring! I relate so much, and love reading everything you write.
One of the "shoulds" I gave up a few months ago was that I should make an effort to read ALL the classics, even when I wasn't enjoying it. Of course, this came from a traumatic experience with a huge classic, but it was also liberating… my reading life has been more genuine and enjoyable ever since.
I plan to read a little bit less too, just so I can dedicate more time to reflecting and accessing my creativity. But then, like you, I thought -- but I *want* to read, it's the essence of my daily life, why would I stop myself?! It's a tough negotiation, because I think reflecting and creative work are just as meaningful as reading for my happiness.
Dream Count is next on my TBR. I'm currently reading Scaffolding, I'm curious if you've read it and what you think of it.
A good read Cam. Interesting. I have the opposite problem I guess. I buy lots of books but struggle to find time to read them. I do read a little every day but no where near enough. Sometimes I look at how many books are on my shelves and in piles... A lot of piles and start to panic a little or have anxiety about how am I going to get through them and when. It doesn't happen very often but It can be a strange sensation. I am early 50's and keep thinking gosh will I ever get through them. Doesn't stop me buying books though😂. I also have a busy job and sometimes it's like.. OK will get around to that in the holiday or public holiday or weekend and it doesn't happen.
We must be twins. I am struggling with the same. Although I am late fifties. I keep telling myself that buying books is a different pleasure from reading books. Both have their place in life. Buying a book doesn't come with the obligation to read it. However, the book was bought as a "want to" wasn't it? At least we have a richness to choose from on our shelves. Who knows, next pandemic bookshops may have to stay closed. ;D
Yes bought some books on friday and a friend said 'are you going to read them?!'. Of course, but sometimes I read a page and savour it. Especially translations. I read a line, a paragraph or a page and then compare to other translations. That's what I like. I don't need to be bragging about how I read 54 books in 2024 like some people do. I read, put down and ponder. Like I say, occasional anxiety when I look at my shelves and the piles on tables but I have a pleasure in collecting, curating and owning books. I treasure them and know where and when I bought each one. And listen, people do worse things than buy multiple translations of the Dao Te Ching right.. Could be on crack cocaine or gambling or addicted to scratch cards. I just buy books and I enjoy it 😂😀 it's my hobby. Happy reading
I love mysteries, thrillers, police procedurals, and books that enrich my knowledge and understanding of all things health and wellness. I think I should read more literature and classics. I do read those, but put some juicy mystery in front of me and I'll read it from cover to cover. Sometimes there's overlap in what I read and what I think I should read, but not always. At this stage in my life, I read what I want to read. If someone else thinks it's trash or unworthy, so be it. I read what I want to read; not what I think I should read.
Wonderful replacement. We so often forget that we chose the "should" and it really is a "would like to". If the "should " no longer is a "would like to" just cross it off your list. I will use that as my new MO. Thank you.
The hardest “should” so far for me to give up has been that I have to finish the whole book. I still struggle with it. The last book I read was “The Line of Beauty” by Alan Hollinghurst. It was a Man Booker winner, forget the year. There’s another “should” to give up … stop picking up the Booker winners. Because occasionally I love them, but frequently I don’t. This book slogged through the middle, and while it was good at the end, I don’t think I would have lost anything worthwhile if I had given up on it. But then again, I’m on to something new and not going to beat myself up over it. Another book off my TBR pile is a win.
The A-student that lives in me has THE hardest time not finishing books! It is such a shockingly hard habit to break.
I listened to a podcast episode in which Merve Emre said that prize winners are decided by people who read in bulk - professional reviewers and critics mostly - which really affects their perspective. The idea is that they read so much that they should know what’s GOOD but what often happens is that they simply pick the thing that’s different because it stands out… which may not necessarily be a sign of its quality. I thought that was such an interesting perspective.
I have to agree with you about the A student comment. I could never leave any of my homework undone or unread lest I miss a test question 🙄. I was still the same when I went back to school at age 37. Sad to say I think I’d be the same if I went back today at age 65. And the readers of the Booker prize…interesting, I guess. I guess they’d have to be speed readers too. But somebody’s got to pick something and we all have very different opinions and tastes.
That's what I have been wondering about for a long time. Are the judges such speed readers, can they read and really appreciate/judge that amount of daily pages? Or will they either just not do it or at least before the longlist divide the books amongst themselves, so that for the longlist every book will have been read by say 2 judges only?
There is a German bookprize (forgot which one) where there is only one judge chosen every year. The idea being that in a panel of judges, the winner will always be the compromise the judges agree on.
What a timely post. Just this morning, I was looking at my "books read in 2025" list at the back of my planner and feeling a little shocked at how little was there. But upon reflection, what I've read this year has (mostly) been exactly what I needed to read to nourish myself. I love the idea of "reading carnivorously." I would also recommend my friend Heather White's book, BOOKS PROMISCUOUSLY READ: READING AS A WAY OF LIFE.
P.S. great pic of you and your daughter
I tell literary everyone that the number of books one reads is the most ridiculous measure of the quality of their reading life and yet, I keep count. Some habits are hard to break. Of the books you’ve read recently, what has stood out to you?
And thank you so much for the recommendation. Your friend’s book sounds amazing and I will definitely check it out!
I really loved Sula by Toni Morrison. It blew me away. Currently reading Crossing to Safety by William Stegner and loving that too. In fact, going to make a concerted effort to read it during my work breaks today. Also listening to the audiobook of David Richo's How to be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving and it is totally amazing!
Oooh! Good list!
I really relate to this. It's funny, the more I read, or get into reading, the more I feel as though I'm not reading enough. It's kind of like, the more you learn, the less you feel like you know?
I feel that too. In the last year I have been making an effort to go deeper or some of the authors I like and that has made me feel so foolish for not having done it sooner. Like, how can you read one Didion book and have an opinion… But of course, you can totally have an opinion. It’s just a different way of reading.
“The perfectionist reader in me isn’t seeking insight—they’re fleeing vulnerability.” I am UNDONE.
The subtitle of my memoir 🤣
Will pre-order alllll the copies 😆🤓
Oof. I so relate to this on many, many levels. Such a great awareness of how that perfectionism can show up. I’m currently reading something I “shouldn’t” and enjoying every second 😉
Honored to have been a small part of this one 💛💛
"Perfectionism isn’t about high standards. It’s a defense against chaos." Ooof. I'm going to be processing and chewing on this line for a long while. And I very much relate to perfectionism in my reading life, although I think I'm making progress on it. Mine shows up in feeling competitive about reading the new buzzy books (even though I really am happiest with a mix of newer and older books), feeling as if I need to read more of the classics and/or the prize-winning books, and creating reading projects for myself each year (I'm trying to decide if I want to let go of that for next year just to see what happens). I also struggle with some of the things you mention. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about this topic. Will be coming back to reread.
For quite a few reasons, your post today had me mentally reciting “In the Desert” by Stephen Crane.
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, “Is it good, friend?”
“It is bitter—bitter,” he answered;
“But I like it
“Because it is bitter,
“And because it is my heart.”
OK. This poem is beautiful and I can absolutely see how your brain would do that and also what MY brain did after reading it was thinking of OPEN THROAT by Henry Hoke -- the story of a queer mountain lion living in the Hollywood Hills. I think you would really love it if you haven't read it already.
Also, I believe this is the first time anyone has responded to a post by me with a poem, so basically... I am now Emeritus.
I just saw that book in a store three days ago and ALMOST BOUGHT IT. Going back for it immediately, dear Emeritus.
There is SO much beautiful wisdom in this piece, not just about reading, but about dealing with the ever-present specter of perfectionism more broadly. Thank you for this!
I loved reading this because I also struggle with reading perfectionism, especially the ‘shoulds.’ A ‘should’ I’m ready to let go of is: I *should* keep reading this book I feel nothing for because everyone else liked it. There are lots more, but DNFing books I believe I should love is a start. Wishing you luck on your journey of protecting your reading life!
I think if you think about this struggle as an exercise in building self-trust, you can gradually begin to feel excited about DNF-ing. Speaking for myself, I think I struggle with DNF-ing because I ultimately don't trust my own abilities as a reader... but the more I work on actually appreciating my own history, life experience and taste as a reader, the more I am able to say... ok, I can see why others appreciate this book but it does not work for me.
WE CAN DO IT!!!
This is an interesting perspective, thank you. And YES! WE CAN DO IT!
I absolutely agree ! I stopped reading all the "should-reads" after I finished my PhD, and what a relief that was! I am a passionate reader, but if I don't like a book after 50 pages, I just put it down. It had its chance, it didn' make it into my book universe - too bad! The only "should" I still follow is switching between languages, because I read in English, French, Spanish and German. So, not too many books of the same language - the others might be jealous and start to abandon me.
If you would like to see my recommendations on great novels originally not written in English; check out my substack:
Anettepieper.substack.com
I feel this deeply, kind of where I am rn too, in a very literal way. Also, I just started reading Pilgrim at Tinker Creek...ha
Petya, you are so inspiring! I relate so much, and love reading everything you write.
One of the "shoulds" I gave up a few months ago was that I should make an effort to read ALL the classics, even when I wasn't enjoying it. Of course, this came from a traumatic experience with a huge classic, but it was also liberating… my reading life has been more genuine and enjoyable ever since.
Yeah - educational, fun reading rather than performative reading
I plan to read a little bit less too, just so I can dedicate more time to reflecting and accessing my creativity. But then, like you, I thought -- but I *want* to read, it's the essence of my daily life, why would I stop myself?! It's a tough negotiation, because I think reflecting and creative work are just as meaningful as reading for my happiness.
Dream Count is next on my TBR. I'm currently reading Scaffolding, I'm curious if you've read it and what you think of it.
A good read Cam. Interesting. I have the opposite problem I guess. I buy lots of books but struggle to find time to read them. I do read a little every day but no where near enough. Sometimes I look at how many books are on my shelves and in piles... A lot of piles and start to panic a little or have anxiety about how am I going to get through them and when. It doesn't happen very often but It can be a strange sensation. I am early 50's and keep thinking gosh will I ever get through them. Doesn't stop me buying books though😂. I also have a busy job and sometimes it's like.. OK will get around to that in the holiday or public holiday or weekend and it doesn't happen.
We must be twins. I am struggling with the same. Although I am late fifties. I keep telling myself that buying books is a different pleasure from reading books. Both have their place in life. Buying a book doesn't come with the obligation to read it. However, the book was bought as a "want to" wasn't it? At least we have a richness to choose from on our shelves. Who knows, next pandemic bookshops may have to stay closed. ;D
Yes bought some books on friday and a friend said 'are you going to read them?!'. Of course, but sometimes I read a page and savour it. Especially translations. I read a line, a paragraph or a page and then compare to other translations. That's what I like. I don't need to be bragging about how I read 54 books in 2024 like some people do. I read, put down and ponder. Like I say, occasional anxiety when I look at my shelves and the piles on tables but I have a pleasure in collecting, curating and owning books. I treasure them and know where and when I bought each one. And listen, people do worse things than buy multiple translations of the Dao Te Ching right.. Could be on crack cocaine or gambling or addicted to scratch cards. I just buy books and I enjoy it 😂😀 it's my hobby. Happy reading
I love mysteries, thrillers, police procedurals, and books that enrich my knowledge and understanding of all things health and wellness. I think I should read more literature and classics. I do read those, but put some juicy mystery in front of me and I'll read it from cover to cover. Sometimes there's overlap in what I read and what I think I should read, but not always. At this stage in my life, I read what I want to read. If someone else thinks it's trash or unworthy, so be it. I read what I want to read; not what I think I should read.