At first I was like... what the hell... why am I feeling this way about these books that I lost my mind over all year.... but once I was able to reframe it as a cycle reaching completion, I felt good both about the reading done and the reading that was coming.
Thank you so much for being a reading friend. We have such similar tastes and I just can't wait to see what we get into next year!
I only wrote this in the context of reading but I am wondering if it applies elsewhere in life, too. It would be the best feeling to notice that discomfort and celebrate it instead of freaking out (like I typically would).
I loved reading this ❤️ I think your idea of trying to let go of the "syllabus we all carry around with us" is so apt. I want to allow myself freedom to just read what I actually WANT to read this coming year. Top of my list are many of the books you mention here, and if I was to look back on my reading over the past months, I think female rage and women subverting their allotted roles would be pretty accurate, too!
I have loved getting to know more about being a reader through you this year, Petya! So glad you enjoyed Charing Cross 💕
Reading this, "...the pull toward what moves me, even when - especially when - it defies the invisible syllabus we all carry within us", my instinct is that this falls under the transition from simply living to coming alive. Thrilled by this! xx
"I keep a paper planner because I maintain certain affectations about how life should be lived. The analog nature of this record matters to me in ways I don't fully understand." This!!!!!!
I stopped using paper planners for a while and I think my whole life suffered. I am realizing that putting things down on paper gives things a certain heft and permanence... like, I not only remember my commitments better but I also FEEL more committed to them.
Between the planner entries and the book list at the end, it's just such a perfect record of the year. Much better than my whiney morning pages. 🫣
Exactly!! I've tried morning pages on and off, and they always end up feeling a little bit like a chore to me, but I can write all sorts of miscellaneous notes, observations, lists in my planner (which I sometimes treat more like a commonplace book/creative outlet!). I used a planner less over the last couple years and re-committed this fall, and I can absolutely feel the difference too
I love the the classic Leuchtturm or Moleskine weekly planner- with the days of the week on the left page and lined paper on the right! currently using a Leuchtturm hardcover royal blue academic planner.. more details could be a great idea for a future newsletter 👀
I use the Leuchtturm weekly as a planner and classic Moleskins for my journaling. I have used other notebooks for journaling in the past but then get upset because they don't stack as nicely together and I feel so disappointed. MY LIFE IS SO HARD. 😂
I should say that I have been DEVOTED to Morning Pages for several years! I really thought it was useful practice... but then earlier this year I started flipping through my stuff and it was just all so fucking whiney.... I do understand that it's useful to get the negative thoughts out of your head but it my case, I think it made me more committed to them. And then, when I tried to turn my Morning Pages into gratitude journaling I just wanted to barf because I am so Eastern European and I just cannot make myself be so positive.
I am going to try keeping a Commonplace book... that's been one thing that I have been missing from my reading ... just a way to keep some of the passages I really love. Will see how it goes.
I loved reading about how you took the time to notice the throughline in the things you gravitated towards and how that helped you unpack things about yourself.
Really working hard on accepting who I am and where I am in life, which I understand may feel boring or tedious or cliche... but it is what it is. The older I get, the more I understand that cliches are cliches for a reason.
I love this! I’ve been considering leaving Goodreads after the Orbital debacle and tracking my reads on pen and paper — you’ve inspired me.
I also love the idea of looking at my book choices on a macro level, cataloguing them by theme after the fact. I read four books consecutively that all centered around a woman protagonist blowing up her life, for example. Knowing this, what does that say about where I was mentally and emotionally? Why was I seeking out and turning to these books? It’s a deeper level of introspection via reading habits, and I love it. It really does feel like a conversation.
I learned to keep track this way from Lauren Elkin, and I can't remember if we have already talked about her but I think you would absolutely LOVE her. Her novel Scaffolding is amazing and is one of my favorites from this year.
I am trying to be more reflective about what I read... not just focusing on numbers of books read. I think looking back and identifying themes is so great, even if you are a meticulous planner... you can know why you chose the books in the first place but you can still look back and think about what ACTUALLY resonated and what that means for you.
I have like five notebooks in rotation that are all supposed to be for different things and ITS TOO MUCH. I am joining you on this commonplace book journey - my soul needs it.
I aspire to have a deep reading life and kick ass professionally in a job with no overlap.... It's notebooks, on notebooks, on notebooks over here too.
I did a lot of good experimentation this year and I have confirmed that paper is where it's at but I need a simple system because otherwise it just gets sooo overwhelming. I keep telling myself that when I am most honest with myself, none of these books are going to any library archives... so as long as they serve ME... that's all I need. I kept trying to make it all super organized, and clean, and pretty and all that... Not in this season of life, no.
This is where I've landed:
1. Paper planner to keep track of appointments, birthdays, project things that are DUE, books I finish go on the notebook pages at the very back of the journal. I also keep a running list of Substack post ideas in the back of the planner.
2. Journaling will transition from Morning Pages to commonplacing - for books passages, poems, quotes I run into... I will also combine my reading journal with this so that I will keep notes about the books I end up annotating in there too. That's usually just one or two books a month, the books that really moved me, so I think it fits. Basically, I want to have a record of what inspired me
3. One catch-all notebook to contain all my work notes, substack post notes as I begin drafting, etc. These ones don't need to be archived and I just recycle as I complete them.
What are you thinking? I think I will pull this conversation into a separate newsletter post because it's basically my most favorite subject in the world.
You nailed it - no overlap, yet they ALWAYS overlap. Issues:
1. I attempted: one work notebook, one personal "to-do" list notebook, a personal journal, and a reading journal. In the end what I used the most? A throwaway lined notepad I got free from work because everything else was too much stress (see #2 & #3)😂
2. I think about day job + substack/book stuff + personal/home tasks at any given time or place, so I would need to have all of these notebooks with me at all times. I can't realistically carry all of that, so half ends up in the Notes app anyway.
3. I get too precious about it all with the colored pens and highlighters and a focus on aesthetics. The number of times I've ripped out pages of my moleskin is embarrassing and now threatens the integrity of the notebook UGH.
Solutions (since we are solutions-oriented around here)
1. one work notebook that has literally NO RULES. must be portable and sturdy.
2. a personal commonplace book for musings, thoughts, personal to-do, substack to do, reading log, reading notes, whatever I want goes in. I don't journal a lot I really only do tarot pulls so those could go there. i am hoping that the lack of structure frees me from the need to be aesthetically anything.
3. physical planning has never worked for me because I need interruptive reminders, and plans are always changing, so my schedule stays in the Outlook/Google calendar. also, pulling out a personal physical book at work is hard, and I still use a lot of digital tools to organize book lists, articles I want to read, and substack posts I liked, so that stays.
4. ALTHOUGH. a desk pad calendar at work might be a very wonderful way to incorporate physical planning... Ok am I getting too far ahead of myself? lol
"Solutions (since we are solutions-oriented around here)"
This made me laugh so hard. We are that!!!
I think meetings and appointments on digital makes sense, because it blocks your time off.
I do a lot of client facing work and actually have things to DELIVER... so the planner works for me to distinguish things I need to COMPLETE from things I need to be doing on a regular basis and then appointments/meetings.... I watched a college girl on TikTok teach college freshmen how to use a planner and she changed my life. LOL
I have LOVED being on this journey with you, Petya. Thank you for being so generous with yourself and all of us because through your journey we get to grow as well ❤️🔥
I want to read 84, Charing Cross Road asap. The book and movie look and sound so charming!!!
Even though I keep a digital TBR, I love analog for everything else. I’m drowning in notebooks and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I read 84, Charing Cross Road probably 20 years ago and was thoroughly charmed by it. Did you know there is a sequel book called The Duchess of Bloomsbury Street?
Yes! Kate Jones told me about it and I can't wait to read it! The whole time I read 84, I kept thinking... please fix your teeth, please go to London.... 💔
I love your paper planner and have similar unexplainable feelings about paper. Your thoughts on reading what we are drawn to really resonate with me (and remind me of your bookclub thoughts, as I struggle to read for my book club). Also: Charing Cross is a good film! And yay for commonplace books! I am starting one for a new research project, but wonder why I don’t do one just for fun too?
I enjoyed this post so much! I think my "invisible syllabus" has derailed my reading a little too much in 2024 and I plan on making changes to allow for even more mood reading than I typically do. I also have a commonplace book which I'm dusting off in 2025. There's something so energetic about writing down quotes, details, information, inspiration ,etc that I want to remember and refer to, thanks for sharing the mention of the Commonplace Club, I'm going to check that out
Boredom as growth is such a chef’s kiss ethos!!
At first I was like... what the hell... why am I feeling this way about these books that I lost my mind over all year.... but once I was able to reframe it as a cycle reaching completion, I felt good both about the reading done and the reading that was coming.
Thank you so much for being a reading friend. We have such similar tastes and I just can't wait to see what we get into next year!
Brilliant, as usual!
So so glad we found each other this year ☺️
Obsessed with this concept, too!
I only wrote this in the context of reading but I am wondering if it applies elsewhere in life, too. It would be the best feeling to notice that discomfort and celebrate it instead of freaking out (like I typically would).
I've been thinking about this a lot in terms of boredom creating space for play *and* boredom inciting the instinct to play.
I loved reading this ❤️ I think your idea of trying to let go of the "syllabus we all carry around with us" is so apt. I want to allow myself freedom to just read what I actually WANT to read this coming year. Top of my list are many of the books you mention here, and if I was to look back on my reading over the past months, I think female rage and women subverting their allotted roles would be pretty accurate, too!
I have loved getting to know more about being a reader through you this year, Petya! So glad you enjoyed Charing Cross 💕
I keep coming back to that Mary Oliver poem...
let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
I think that if you just allow yourself to follow your nose, it all makes sense looking backwards. ❤️
Love this!
Thank you so much! I keep saying it every time one of us posts but I really mean it - I have learned so much from you this year!
Reading this, "...the pull toward what moves me, even when - especially when - it defies the invisible syllabus we all carry within us", my instinct is that this falls under the transition from simply living to coming alive. Thrilled by this! xx
I know. The feeling of recognizing that you are finally beginning to trust yourself is just so beautiful. 🥹🥹🥹
Just me weeping in the comments.
It's all the same lessons, anywhere you care to look.
"I keep a paper planner because I maintain certain affectations about how life should be lived. The analog nature of this record matters to me in ways I don't fully understand." This!!!!!!
I stopped using paper planners for a while and I think my whole life suffered. I am realizing that putting things down on paper gives things a certain heft and permanence... like, I not only remember my commitments better but I also FEEL more committed to them.
Between the planner entries and the book list at the end, it's just such a perfect record of the year. Much better than my whiney morning pages. 🫣
Exactly!! I've tried morning pages on and off, and they always end up feeling a little bit like a chore to me, but I can write all sorts of miscellaneous notes, observations, lists in my planner (which I sometimes treat more like a commonplace book/creative outlet!). I used a planner less over the last couple years and re-committed this fall, and I can absolutely feel the difference too
OK... you have to tell us what kind of planner you use and how you use it!!!
I love the the classic Leuchtturm or Moleskine weekly planner- with the days of the week on the left page and lined paper on the right! currently using a Leuchtturm hardcover royal blue academic planner.. more details could be a great idea for a future newsletter 👀
I use the Leuchtturm weekly as a planner and classic Moleskins for my journaling. I have used other notebooks for journaling in the past but then get upset because they don't stack as nicely together and I feel so disappointed. MY LIFE IS SO HARD. 😂
I should say that I have been DEVOTED to Morning Pages for several years! I really thought it was useful practice... but then earlier this year I started flipping through my stuff and it was just all so fucking whiney.... I do understand that it's useful to get the negative thoughts out of your head but it my case, I think it made me more committed to them. And then, when I tried to turn my Morning Pages into gratitude journaling I just wanted to barf because I am so Eastern European and I just cannot make myself be so positive.
I am going to try keeping a Commonplace book... that's been one thing that I have been missing from my reading ... just a way to keep some of the passages I really love. Will see how it goes.
This made me laugh! hoping the commonplace book works well for you!! I'll be eagerly awaiting updates as you get into it
I agree.
There is something so satisfying with paper and pen, maybe its the body mind connection???
I loved reading about how you took the time to notice the throughline in the things you gravitated towards and how that helped you unpack things about yourself.
Thank you so much!
Really working hard on accepting who I am and where I am in life, which I understand may feel boring or tedious or cliche... but it is what it is. The older I get, the more I understand that cliches are cliches for a reason.
Paper planners and women writing and boredom as completion: a noun, a verb and my new motto, thank you for this brilliance that connects us♥️
This note made me so happy! Thank you so much!
I love this! I’ve been considering leaving Goodreads after the Orbital debacle and tracking my reads on pen and paper — you’ve inspired me.
I also love the idea of looking at my book choices on a macro level, cataloguing them by theme after the fact. I read four books consecutively that all centered around a woman protagonist blowing up her life, for example. Knowing this, what does that say about where I was mentally and emotionally? Why was I seeking out and turning to these books? It’s a deeper level of introspection via reading habits, and I love it. It really does feel like a conversation.
I learned to keep track this way from Lauren Elkin, and I can't remember if we have already talked about her but I think you would absolutely LOVE her. Her novel Scaffolding is amazing and is one of my favorites from this year.
I am trying to be more reflective about what I read... not just focusing on numbers of books read. I think looking back and identifying themes is so great, even if you are a meticulous planner... you can know why you chose the books in the first place but you can still look back and think about what ACTUALLY resonated and what that means for you.
I have like five notebooks in rotation that are all supposed to be for different things and ITS TOO MUCH. I am joining you on this commonplace book journey - my soul needs it.
I aspire to have a deep reading life and kick ass professionally in a job with no overlap.... It's notebooks, on notebooks, on notebooks over here too.
I did a lot of good experimentation this year and I have confirmed that paper is where it's at but I need a simple system because otherwise it just gets sooo overwhelming. I keep telling myself that when I am most honest with myself, none of these books are going to any library archives... so as long as they serve ME... that's all I need. I kept trying to make it all super organized, and clean, and pretty and all that... Not in this season of life, no.
This is where I've landed:
1. Paper planner to keep track of appointments, birthdays, project things that are DUE, books I finish go on the notebook pages at the very back of the journal. I also keep a running list of Substack post ideas in the back of the planner.
2. Journaling will transition from Morning Pages to commonplacing - for books passages, poems, quotes I run into... I will also combine my reading journal with this so that I will keep notes about the books I end up annotating in there too. That's usually just one or two books a month, the books that really moved me, so I think it fits. Basically, I want to have a record of what inspired me
3. One catch-all notebook to contain all my work notes, substack post notes as I begin drafting, etc. These ones don't need to be archived and I just recycle as I complete them.
What are you thinking? I think I will pull this conversation into a separate newsletter post because it's basically my most favorite subject in the world.
You nailed it - no overlap, yet they ALWAYS overlap. Issues:
1. I attempted: one work notebook, one personal "to-do" list notebook, a personal journal, and a reading journal. In the end what I used the most? A throwaway lined notepad I got free from work because everything else was too much stress (see #2 & #3)😂
2. I think about day job + substack/book stuff + personal/home tasks at any given time or place, so I would need to have all of these notebooks with me at all times. I can't realistically carry all of that, so half ends up in the Notes app anyway.
3. I get too precious about it all with the colored pens and highlighters and a focus on aesthetics. The number of times I've ripped out pages of my moleskin is embarrassing and now threatens the integrity of the notebook UGH.
Solutions (since we are solutions-oriented around here)
1. one work notebook that has literally NO RULES. must be portable and sturdy.
2. a personal commonplace book for musings, thoughts, personal to-do, substack to do, reading log, reading notes, whatever I want goes in. I don't journal a lot I really only do tarot pulls so those could go there. i am hoping that the lack of structure frees me from the need to be aesthetically anything.
3. physical planning has never worked for me because I need interruptive reminders, and plans are always changing, so my schedule stays in the Outlook/Google calendar. also, pulling out a personal physical book at work is hard, and I still use a lot of digital tools to organize book lists, articles I want to read, and substack posts I liked, so that stays.
4. ALTHOUGH. a desk pad calendar at work might be a very wonderful way to incorporate physical planning... Ok am I getting too far ahead of myself? lol
"Solutions (since we are solutions-oriented around here)"
This made me laugh so hard. We are that!!!
I think meetings and appointments on digital makes sense, because it blocks your time off.
I do a lot of client facing work and actually have things to DELIVER... so the planner works for me to distinguish things I need to COMPLETE from things I need to be doing on a regular basis and then appointments/meetings.... I watched a college girl on TikTok teach college freshmen how to use a planner and she changed my life. LOL
Ok share that tik tok account 👀😆
I am looking! 😆
OK, Natalie, I watched all of TikTok for you but I found it!!!
Here she is!
https://www.tiktok.com/@laeticiahh/video/7324447444098469126
I have LOVED being on this journey with you, Petya. Thank you for being so generous with yourself and all of us because through your journey we get to grow as well ❤️🔥
I want to read 84, Charing Cross Road asap. The book and movie look and sound so charming!!!
Even though I keep a digital TBR, I love analog for everything else. I’m drowning in notebooks and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I know, I keep simplifying and simplifying and then I go into a stationary shop and I'm off to the races.
I read 84, Charing Cross Road probably 20 years ago and was thoroughly charmed by it. Did you know there is a sequel book called The Duchess of Bloomsbury Street?
Yes! Kate Jones told me about it and I can't wait to read it! The whole time I read 84, I kept thinking... please fix your teeth, please go to London.... 💔
I love your paper planner and have similar unexplainable feelings about paper. Your thoughts on reading what we are drawn to really resonate with me (and remind me of your bookclub thoughts, as I struggle to read for my book club). Also: Charing Cross is a good film! And yay for commonplace books! I am starting one for a new research project, but wonder why I don’t do one just for fun too?
I feel like every time we talk, I am begging you to share more on your Substack... but .... PLEASE SHARE YOUR RESEARCH NOTEBOOK ON YOUR SUBSTACK!
i loved this!! so glad i just stumbled onto your newsletter, i’m excited to keep reading
oooh! right back at you!
I just love how you write about reading.
I enjoyed this post so much! I think my "invisible syllabus" has derailed my reading a little too much in 2024 and I plan on making changes to allow for even more mood reading than I typically do. I also have a commonplace book which I'm dusting off in 2025. There's something so energetic about writing down quotes, details, information, inspiration ,etc that I want to remember and refer to, thanks for sharing the mention of the Commonplace Club, I'm going to check that out
In 2025 I’m leaning into stories brimming with female rage for my dissertation, so if you have any suggestions I would gladly take them xx