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Sharon Nolfi's avatar

I've left disciplines and practices behind repeatedly in my life, and I'm glad I did. I'm 74, retired, with a life filled with ongoing study of my deepest interests. Along the way I earned an M.A. in pschology, started a PhD. program that was insufferably boring, dropped out, and then practiced as a licensed counselor for 7 years. Tired of that, and seeking a new challenge, I earned a law degree from a top 10 school, and entered into big law firm practice. At 36 I had my first child and surprised myself by deciding to be a full time mom for 15 years. While at home I wrote and sold nonfiction articles and personal essays. (I'd always loved to write). Then, back to law practice until I retired. I can say I enjoyed all the things I did.

I congratulate you on having the courage to leave something (PhD program) that wasn't right for you. Things that don't feel right are not worth finishing. Living an intellectual life does not depend on having a particular degree - your own life is proof of that.

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Bennett's avatar

I relate to this very much. I wanted one thing from early adulthood: the time and freedom to pursue my creative and intellectual life. But that’s not the only thing I wanted. I also wanted not to experience financial stress, to have security including job security, and to have a family, to do honorable stimulating work that in some way benefited others. How can one have everything? Compromises must be made somewhere. As a once-budding neuroscientist, I realized that I didn’t need to be the one making the discoveries; I just wanted to know what they were. The feeling of awe and amazement was more important than doing that work myself. So I made compromises that were good ones for me, allowing a satisfying professional life outside academia, but with enough autonomy and control that I could still feel a (compromised but significant) sense of pursuing my own inner curiosity. Finally I am in a position now to shift the balance away from professional life and toward my inner life. The compromise was not with smart as an identity - I am who I am, pretty firmly - but with how I spend my time and how well it accords with the balance I seek. Which changes over time. That’s part of this whole topic for me: the resources I need and want in pursuing my inner life are not fixed, but vary with so many other things about where I am in my life. But I am very gratified to be here now.

Maybe some are more all-or-nothing about their intellectual and creative life. For me it’s about a viable balance. That’s what I arrived at a long time ago, and I am so fortunate to have found the inner acceptance of my own choices. That task was work, hard work!

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